Every human experience is different. But when it comes to sex, we can agree on one thing, it needs to be the best instead of good or great.
It’s like food in a sense. You won’t be exactly upset if every dish you taste isn’t Michelin quality, but if you could have it, you absolutely would. Yet, depending on your taste buds, McDonald’s might attract you more than a Micheline restaurant. It’s the same with sex.
Unless you’re on the asexual spectrum, you do want to have the best sex ever, whatever it means to you. For some, it might mean having wild times with the clothes on. For others, it might mean trying out new positions and sensations with sex toys and a dose of lube.
The Sex Toy Revolution
From a business perspective, the global sex toy market is set to reach $75.73 billion by 2030. While the numbers might not mean much to you, just know at least 78% over the age of 18 have one sex toy.
We’re practically in a sex toy revolution.
Unlike even 10 years ago, sex toys have been significantly destigmatized and made more inclusive. It’s a result of a combination of social movements, including feminism and more visibility for the LGBTQ+ community.
But many no longer feel having sex toys is an indication something is wrong with them, as much as it means they just found better and new ways to have sex.
As Polly Rodriguez, CEO of Unbound said, she felt sex toys weren’t for her until she tried a vibrator and lube. A lot of the time, the difference between owning and not having a sex toy is thinking you don’t need one.
Both men and women feel more comfortable including sex toys in their solo and couple activities. It helps that the sex toy category is so large, with Bluetooth toys, remote-controlled toys, masturbators, and BDSM gear.
So varied, as a beginner, it might be the most confusing decision you will ever make.
For most people, it almost always ends up being a vibrator of some sort. Whenever we think of adult toys for increasing sexual pleasure, we seem to like something which will do almost 70% of the work.
With vibrators, it’s instant gratification. But even among vibrators, the choice is too wide. So, here’s how you should choose if you are a beginner:
- If the concept of adult toys scares you, go for bullet vibes Calexotics Turbo or a Magic Wand like the Nu Sensuelle Nubii Harlow. Bullet vibes are meant for external stimulation, so you can explore the new sensation without inserting something. Meanwhile, you can stick a Wand vibrator to any surface and have a more hands-free experience. It’s also meant to be used externally, though some designs are for internal use.
- As a couple, you might like the Pipedream Products Classix Kit. It’s got everything first-time users and a couple might like. Specifically, the C-ring and the penis sleeve can be really useful if your partner is a man who is a little insecure about sex toys. It might help to have him use products which will bring pleasure to him too. C-rings and cock sleeves both do the job of making the penis harder and keeping blood longer in the penis for prolonged fun.
- Now, if you are really hoping for a mindblowing orgasm, clitoral vibrators are a must. Go for PlusOne Air, because the combination of feeling puffs of air and vibrations on your genitals can definitely change your opinion on sex toys altogether.
- You can also go for manual toys. Sometimes, all it takes is a good pair of handcuffs, blindfolds, and if you’re feeling extra adventurous, a dildo. Cuffs and blindfolds are the easiest to include in your sexual routine and yet, turn the heat up several notes. Dildos are a more acquired taste and probably even better left for when you get used to sex toys. But if looking at one does excite you, why not give a Doc Johnson Tendril Thruster a spin?
- How could we forget anal toys? Now, butt plugs are somewhat advanced items like dildos, but if you’re not stingy with the lube and listen to your body’s signal, it shouldn’t be anything but a pleasure town situation for you, especially if it’s a vibrating one like the We-Vibe Ditto+. Do not buy a butt plug without a tapered end, otherwise, it’s possible it might get lost in your rectum.
- If you know you have particularly sensitive nipples, you might want to look into nipple clamps. They’re visually pleasing and safe for beginners if you don’t go over 20 minutes of use.
Honestly, any toy can be the perfect beginner’s sex toy depending on your mood and wants. Some people are happiest with a dildo while vibrators don’t do anything for them. Others like their sex pillows and toy mounts.
The point is to try something new and be more adventurous. Once you are open with yourself about your sexual desires, you will naturally find yourself rejecting what doesn’t feel good and doubling down on what does.
Lube - The Slippery Slope to Amazing Sex
People with vaginas naturally produce lubrication when they get aroused. But this isn’t the case for everyone.
Some people go through chronic vaginal dryness due to hormonal issues, medication, or menopause. Their vagina might not produce enough lubricant naturally. If the sexual activities have been going on for too long, it’s not unusual for the body to run out of lubricant either.
Not to mention penetrative vagina sex isn’t the only kind of sex people have. There are too many factors involved when it comes to sex, including your gender, preferences, and body condition.
Some might enjoy anal sex or blow jobs. And none of those involves natural lubrication. Even getting scissored can be more pleasurable for the person when there’s lube involved. When people with penis masturbate, they need something wet to rub their penis against, otherwise, it’s never pleasurable enough.
When you’re using sex toys, you especially need personal lubricants. These are lubes artificially manufactured to imitate the feeling of natural lubricant. General skin-to-skin contact can be dry, but adult toy materials specifically cause friction.
Unless you enjoy a hint of pain during sex, the lack of lube can be uncomfortable. And as much as you have been raised to believe otherwise, vaginal sex is not supposed to be painful, even if it’s your first time.
With proper lubrication, inserting sex toys or genitals into your vagina or anus shouldn’t hurt.
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But this doesn’t mean you grab the first lube you see off the shelf either. Different lube have different purposes.
- Water-based lube is the safest and most compatible with any kind of sex toy material. It’s easy to get them off the surface, as the quality is almost close to natural lubrication. But they dry fast and wash away in the shower. So, they aren’t the correct choice for anal or shower sex. For a thrilling, hour-long session, we recommend Playground After Hours.
- Silicone-based lube is the slippery and sticky kind. Cleaning it off is no joke, which is a good quality for shower or anal sex. Particularly with anal sex, you need something strong to reduce the friction and something you know won’t dry off while you’re still trying to insert a butt plug. Playboy Slick is a popular choice among users for this reason.
- Hybrid lube is a combination of water and silicone lube. It has the slipperiness of silicone but isn’t hard to wash off. It’s closer to water than silicone in base creation, making it extremely safe. You can even use it with silicone toys, though you should be careful. Wicked Simply Timeless is a good option if you want the best of both worlds.
- Oil-based lube is extra sticky, slippery, and difficult to clean off. They make more sense as a massager, as a sort of erotic foreplay before you get down to business.
One thing to remember is to not use silicone lube with silicone toys and oil-based lube with condoms or latex toys. The closeness of the chemicals can cause a chemical burn and destroy the toys and the condoms.
Other than the basic lube types, you also have your choice of cooling lube, warming lube, and flavored lube. As the name suggests, cooling and warming lube changes temperature, creating a different kind of pleasurable sensation for you.
Meanwhile, flavored lube might taste like chocolate, strawberry, or even like watermelon, etc. Good choice if you’re planning activities related to the mouth.
Overcoming Taboos and Communication Keys to Have The Best Sex Ever
The best sex ever also involves knowing your partner is comfortable, happy, and content with whatever adventure you have taken them on.
You can’t jump into crafting the ultimate blueprint for the best sex without your partner involved. And there would be a ton of things they would not be comfortable doing. There are things you would not feel great about either.
You have to be open and honest about what those things are, as well as demand the same honesty from your partner.
For example, if you are into BDSM and you want to tie up your partner, you need clear consent and trust from them. If your partner goes along with it for the sake of it, the entire experience could be ruined for both of you.
Similarly, you have to remember to back off if they express they’re uncomfortable with something. Plenty of people feel wrong about using sex toys in the bedroom.
Of course, a lot of it is due to the stigma around adult toys. In heterosexual relationships, men tend to think of it as some sort of proof they couldn’t satisfy their partner.
Well, this is changing and women even buy sex toys men can use for their own solo exploration.
If your partner’s reluctance mostly comes from societal prejudice, it might be a good idea to introduce the topic in a sensitive way.
Have the conversation outside the bedroom, for one. Definitely don’t have the big talk after sex.
Ask your partner if they feel something could be done to make your time together more fun. Who knows? They could be vying for a change of pace themselves.
If they have something, well, there’s your opening. If they don’t, you can say it in a way which emphasizes you see sex toys as something that will enhance the sexual experience. Not replace your partner.
Say something like, “I’d love to try a vibrator with you. What do you think?” It makes it clear you want them involved. And you care about what they think.
If they seem upset at the idea, make sure to back off or table the discussion.
Some sex experts recommend sending articles or links to online sex shops before opening the conversation at all. It gives your partner the time to get used to the idea without having an immediate serious conversation with you.
Final Thoughts
It doesn’t have to involve sex toys, though it can easily take good sex to great sex. You can have a quickie right before you have to leave for dinner, have sex with clothes on, talk dirty, and make out in any spot that’s not the bedroom. You can light some candles, play romantic or sexy music, and touch yourself as your partner looks on.
But while these things might lose novelty after a while, sex toys are so varied, it’s going to take forever before you find yourself out of ways to use them. So, go and browse through an online shop like XOXTOYS, and pick out the products you know will lead to the best sex ever.
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