Routine is comfort and safety. It’s also incredibly boring.
For long-time couples, it’s not unusual to fall into a routine in their sex life. You know the person so well, you know exactly what to do to bring them to the edge.
But it takes the thrill out of the activity sometimes. Sex toys can help inject a new wave of excitement into the old routine. Suddenly, you are planning things together. You plan what toys to get and have a laugh when you get the settings of the vibrator wrong.
You learn each other’s preferences all new, because your partner is discovering a new side to them with adult toys too. So, let’s take a look at some of the best intimate toys for couples to spice up the bedroom.
Why You Need to Spice Up Your Bedroom Activities
Do you remember the “36 Questions to Make Strangers Fall in Love” videos and how popular they were on the internet for a while? Psychologist Arthur Aron created the quiz.
A key part of his findings around love and relationships centers on the idea of novel experiences. According to his research, couples who participate in new activities together feel more satisfied in their relationship than couples who maintain old routines.
But the activity itself has to be a little special. Even if a couple did a new activity together, if the task itself was mundane, it didn’t have the same response. So, cooking wouldn’t inspire the same amount of passion as taking a pottery class together.
You can also find support for his theory in Dr. David Frederick’s study. Couples who are intimate with their partner in long-term relationships also report using adult toys together, taking showers together, and having date nights. Ideally, these date nights would have more new experiences than a regular dinner.
Novel experiences help you:
- Create excitement in your time together
- Learn about each other on a deeper level
- Keep things fresh
- Grow on a personal level
- Improve your communication skills.
And what’s more novel than sex toys? It brings up a nervous excitement in you. The variety of sex toys means you never go out of new things to try too.
If the vibrator isn’t doing it for you anymore, you can try blindfolds and gags.
Remote-controlled toys also hand over the power of how you get pleasure to your partner. It can make for some interesting bedroom dynamics.
4 Types of Couple’s Toys for Increasing Intimacy
1. Intimate Toys for Couples - App and Remote Controlled Toys
There is no greater intimacy than allowing another person to have control over your pleasure. It’s an act of trust. Apps and remote controlled toys take you to new heights of intimacy.
They are also ideal for couples in long-distance relationships.
- The We-Vibe Sync O Couples Vibrator is a clitoris vibrator with an O-shaped inner arm you can secure against your vagina. The arm keeps the toy in place even as you experiment with different positions. Your lover can use the We-Vibe app to flirt between 10 levels of vibrations. It ranges from teasing pulsations to ramp tempo.
- The Lovense Hush Vibrating Butt Plug is made with the long-distance lover in mind. Use it hands-free on her or on yourself. It’s got a flared base, so it’s body safe. The only thing you have to focus on is switching between different vibration patterns. It’s also got music syncing and video chat features. You can find the butt plug in 4 different sizes, from 1 inch to 2,25 inches.
- Panty vibrators have one single job. To be as discreet as possible. Satisfyer Sexy Secret Panty Vibrator meets this condition with ease. The magnetic clip keeps it secure against your panty. It’s super small and stimulates your vulva with 8 intense vibration modes. As you go about your day, your partner can surprise you by switching up the vibration whenever they please. Wouldn’t it be a day of pure thrill for you and your partner? The motor is whisper-quiet, so don’t worry about anyone noticing, even if they’re standing too close.
- The Pipedream Fantasy Oral Sex Simulator
2. Romantic Toys for Two - Finger Vibes and Cuffs
We’re tactile by nature. We communicate a lot by touch. And nothing screams a romantic toy for two than a toy which sends sparks of vibrations to your partner’s body wherever you touch.
The Pipedream Products Fantasy Finger Vibe slips into your finger. As you explore your partner’s body, you can shift between 10 vibration patterns. So, your partner feels the thrill of the tip of your finger pressing and circling their sensitive zones as well as the vibrations.
And if you like the finger vibe, you will also like the Evolved Frisky Finger toy. The thick flat tip allows you more control over the vibrations.
Speaking of romantic toys, what’s a bigger act of love than giving someone a slow, long massage? The Fun Factory Laya II Vibrator is made for long, indulgent nights. The shape of the vibrator, where there is a tiny curve below the head, makes it ideal for any type of body. It hugs your body as you run it over all the hotspots.
With its travel lock function, you can pack it in your bag for a romantic getaway.
Oddly enough, the Liberator Wedge and the Calexotics Playful Furry Cuffs can create a powerful romance combo. Cuffs are a way of surrendering power to your partner. It implies trust, which is a romantic gesture in itself.
Combine it with the position pillow, it’s a way of showing you care about their comfort. If you are having penetrative sex, it intensifies the sensation, while you look into each other’s eyes.
3. Couples' Pleasure Toys - Thongs and C-Rings
A couple’s adult toys don’t only mean toys you can use on each other. We also mean toys capable of giving both of you pleasure at the same time.
- The Calexotics Vibrating Lover's Thong is as sexy as it looks. The black waterproof thong consists of a bead and bullet vibrator. The removable bullet vibe is attached just on top of the bead. When you have penetrative sex, the bead massages the man while the vibrator sends pulse waves to the woman’s sensitive spot. The G-string is adjustable so if you like the feeling of something tight surrounding you, it adds to the sensation even more.
- The Fetish Tentation Vibrating Double Dildo is a must if you are in a sapphic relationship. The strap-on has one external and one internal dildo. So, you can insert one end and your partner can insert the other at the same time. Both dildos have 10 vibrating speeds. You can imagine what kind of fun you can both have together with the settings.
- C-rings are always better as a shared toy. The Hot Octopuss Cock Ring is a little large so it covers the shaft and the balls. It sends extreme rumbling vibrations both you and your partner can feel when your penis comes in contact with their vagina.
- The We-Vibe Match Couples Vibrator is a G-spot and clitoris vibrator with 10 vibration modes and intensity levels. Wear it when you’re having sex, as the shape molds to your body. Both of you will feel the rumbling vibrations, which you can control with a remote.
4. Bedroom Spice Toys - Masks and Massagers
You don’t have to bring out the big guns to make your sex life spicier. Sometimes, small changes in your routine can make way for new sensations.
- The Sportsheets Door Jam Cuffs allow you to cuff your partner to the door or be held captive against it. The toy doesn’t change your routine drastically, but your partner feels the cold door digging against them as maybe finger them or eat them out. All the while they can’t touch you.
- When you cut off your sight, you have to heavily rely on touch. Every brush is amplified. The Calexotics Boundless Blackout Eyemask provides full sensory deprivation of sight. Its soft leather means your eyes are uncomfortable, but you are hyper-aware of what’s happening in your surroundings, as you hear your partner move and anticipate their touch.
- Cock extenders like the Doc Johnson Kink Extender add girth and length to your penis. You aren’t really doing anything different from your routine, but suddenly, your penis is inside a textured interior intensifying every sensation. Your partner is also experiencing a deeper penetration. It’s sheer, so you still have an unobtrusive view. The ball loop holds the extender in place.
- Wand vibrators are the perfect beginner’s toys for spicing up the bedroom. For example, the Fun Factory Rumble Wand Massager comes with a unique weighted motor. It sends rumbling but quiet vibrations through the head. The wand doesn’t emit vibrations from the handle, so you can use it for long periods of time without feeling numb.
How to Introduce Toys Into Your Relationship
Talking about sex is embarrassing. It is. Asking someone whether you can touch them in a specific way can be awkward.
It gets better when you’re in a long-term relationship with the person. Even then, checking in with each other and establishing mutual consent is important.
The “talk” about using adult toys with your partner is a simple extension of your everyday conversation around sex. But it can be harder to navigate because lots of people get intimidated or feel threatened by sex toys.
This doesn’t mean you sidestep the conversation altogether by whipping out a dildo and praying for the best outcome. Instead, ease your partner into it.
Dr. Jenn Mann, a licensed marriage psychotherapist, says to share an article or study detailing the benefits of using sex toys. You can even send a link to a steamy article about couples sharing their experience with intimate toys.
It prepares your partner for the conversation and they get the time to sort out their thoughts on the subject.
When you see them, try saying, “I’ve been thinking about you using a ______ (name a toy you want to try) on me, ever since I read the article. Is it something you would be open to?”
This makes it clear the decision is in their hand. You could also use alternative openers like how you heard about a couple who had a great time with sex toys. And it made you want to give it a shot.
Or a killer line about how you dreamt about using a particular sex toy on you and it turned you on.
You should frame it as something enjoyable for both parties involved. Also, make it clear it’s an idea with no pressure involved. You are only curious.
You should also be careful about where you are having this conversation.
Pick a neutral time and a neutral setting. So, bringing it up while enjoying a relaxing evening after work is good. But don’t spring it while you are going out for an event together.
Or worse, while you’re having sex. You’re practically neon signaling to your partner you aren’t enjoying your time together if you do that.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
1. What toys are good for beginners and couples?
You had a discussion about using intimate toys for couples. You know you’re on the same page. But what do you get?
You want to go for toys which don’t unnerve you. For example, the classic Magic Wand. It’s a non-intrusive toy for external use. You can run gentle vibrations over your partner’s body and vice versa. It’s almost like getting a massage. Plus, you can use it while plugged in, so it makes for hours of play.
Or you could get a whole beginner’s couples toolkit, like the Pipedream Products Classix Ultimate. The bullet vibe is something you can always turn to when you are still figuring out the world of adult toys. Combine it with the sleeve and you have a new routine you two can take your time figuring out.
A vibrating C-ring like the one from Romp, is also a couple’s toy by definition. It stimulates both partners at the same time when your penis comes in contact with their genitals.
2. Does the use of toys ruin relationships?
All studies of the use of sex toys between couples point towards strengthening their relationships. Provided, they are active communicators.
Adult toys open up a whole host of discussions about consent, sexual preferences, and boundaries. If both parties are open about their feelings, it can lead to them feeling closer.
Sex toys are also a novelty. When you’ve been together for a long time and you know everything about each other, sex toys show new sides to your partner. It is capable of bringing back emotions similar to the early days of the relationship when you were falling in love with the person.
Not to mention the idea of sex toys ruining relationships mainly stems from observing heterosexual ones. It is a mostly reflection on straight men who feel threatened by sex toys because society told them they should be.
78.5% of gay and bisexual men use sex toys with their partners and consider it to make their sexual experience better. It’s the same for women, who report higher levels of desire for their partner when they use sex toys in relationships.
3. What are the best toys for distant lovers?
There are a couple of features you should look for in couple’s sex toys if you’re in a long-distance relationship:
- Long-distance connectivity via apps
- Customizable vibrations
- Video and music sync
- Chat feature
- Synchronized play.
Lovense Lush 3 meets all of these requirements, except for the synchronized function. Your partner can customize vibration patterns via the app, there’s video and music sync, and the motor is whisper quiet.
If you own a penis, the Satisfyer Power Masturbator makes more sense. The waterproof, grooved shaft has 14 vibration patterns your partner can play with from a mobile app. It can make for hours of edging experience.
4. What kind of an adult toy for my wife is best for her first?
It’s not a hard and fast rule. It mostly depends on your wife’s preferences. But for her first sex toy, a small clitoris vibrator like the Je Joue Mimi Soft or a wand like the Magic Wand Rechargeable Mini makes perfect sense.
Women reach orgasm first from clitoral stimulation. But it’s also important to get them to relax first. Vibrators can do the wonderful job of acting as a massager you can run all over her body before setting the vibrations to the highest on the clit.
5. Would you suggest using toys to your partner?
Yes, there’s no harm in bringing up the idea of using a sex toy with your partner. Whether they decide they want to or not, you have to accept their decision.
But the discussion itself doesn’t harm anyone. It makes you have a difficult conversation which can strengthen your relationship. In fact, if you do decide to use sex toys together in the future, it would set the stage for deeper conversation.
Couples who use sex toys together also report higher levels of intimacy.
Final Thoughts
Using intimate toys as a couple is a statement of sorts. It’s a way of saying you want to keep the relationship new and fresh. You are looking forward to all the more years you will spend together.
It’s similar to finding date night activities to do together. There’s even a thrill in looking at adult toys together and deciding what you want to do next. You find out so much about what you like and what your partner likes. So, hop over to XOXTOYS and see if there’s anything you fancy in the couple’s collections.
